Assemble
by GiGi Babineaux
Summary: One hot summer day, Tony discovers that it is Nick Fury's birthday! He convinces all the Avengers (plus Loki, whom Thor has snuck out of Asgard for some Brother/Brother time) to help him throw the most epic pool party of the century for their be-eyepatched boss.
1. Tony's Discovery

**Dedication: To Warp, for it is her birthday. Love you, girl.  
Update Schedule: Mondays, Thursdays, & Saturdays**

Early one hot summer day, Steve hung upside down on a couch, watching Tony mess around with some random files that were projected in the air.

"Will you cut that out?" Tony asked. "You're giving me a headache just watching you do that."

Steve smiled. He rolled himself off and sat down on the couch normally. "So, what is it that you're doing again?"

"I'm trying to find out if—" Tony stopped. "Well, look what the old man forgot to tell me!"

"What old man?"

"Nick Fury, of course," said Tony.

Steve frowned. "What did he forget to tell you?"

"Today is his birthday!" cried Tony with glee. He saw that look on Steve's face that meant any plans he was about to have were about to be crushed. So he got it out quick. "This is a good excuse for a party, don't you think?"

"A party?" the Captain asked incredulously. "I don't see Fury wanting anything to do with a party we throw. That _you_ throw, anyway."

Tony grinned. "Not even a pool party? On a hot day like this?"

"You have a pool?" Steve looked around as if the pool were in the room they were in now.

"Of course I do. It's on the ground level. Obviously."

"Right." Steve paused. "Why couldn't it be on any other floor? "

Tony rubbed his eyes in frustration. "You can't dig very deep on any other floor."

"Oh." Steve looked a little embarrassed.

Tony smiled. "J.A.R.V.I.S! Call the Avengers!"

"Which one, sir?"

"All of them!" Tony commanded.

It wasn't too long before Bruce, Natasha, Clint, and Thor were on the phone.

"What do you want now, Stark?" Clint and Natasha asked simultaneously.

"Oh, hi," Bruce said. "Are we all on?"

"Thor, what are you doing?" a smooth voice said. "You're not—no! Not that button! Honestly, I don't know how you've lasted this long on Earth—

"—Brother, be quiet!" Thor said.

"Loki?" Steve cried.

A laugh. "Yes, it is I."

"Thor, why is Loki with you?" Natasha asked.

"I snuck him out of Asgard for some Brother/Brother time!" Thor exclaimed.

Clint snorted. "Great idea."

Bruce interrupted. "Excuse me? Tony? What do you want? I'm a little busy."

"If you're not the green guy you can't be that busy," Tony snapped. Then he continued. "Did you guys know that today is Fury's birthday?"

A general murmur of dissent followed.

Stark wasn't surprised. "I didn't think so. But we're throwing a surprise party tonight, so you all better get on that."

There was silence on the line.

"Uh…hello?"

Thor spoke first. "A party for my Father's Earthly counterpart? What a fascinating idea. I fully approve."

Loki snorted. "Your father's earthly counterpart? What do you mean by that?"

"They both have eyepatches!" Thor explained.

"I'm not sure this is such a good idea, Stark," Natasha said.

Clint was quick to agree. "Yeah."

"Well, I guess we could," Bruce said. "I'm not sure how much he'd like it, but we could try."

"We could, that doesn't mean we should," Clint pointed out. "What about the Captain? Where is he?"

Steve spoke for the first time in this conversation. "I'm here. And I think it could be fun. It's been a while since we've all been together."

"Oh, the sentimentality," Loki muttered.

"Be quiet, brother," Thor ordered.

Clint sighed. "What the heck, Tony. Sure. We can throw a party for Fury."

Tony was pleased. "Good. Now this is what I want you all to do. Capcicle, you're in charge of the cake."

"Roger," Steve said.

"Was that a joke?" Bruce asked.

Steve smiled.

Tony ignored them both. " Natasha, I need you to buy the pizza and help me decorate after Bruce buys the banners."

"Sure, I—wait—" Bruce tried to interrupt.

Plowing on, Tony said, "Thor and Loki, buy balloons."

"What is a balloon?" Thor asked.

The two superheroes in the room together looked at each other in surprise.

"Even I know what a balloon is," Steve noted.

"Ask someone at the party store," Tony said.

Loki tried to interject, but Thor must have hit him or something, because there was a thump, and he didn't.

"What about me?" Clint asked.

Tony smirked. "You have the most important job, which happens to be keeping the target distracted."

"Oh, boy," Clint said. "And where would he be?"

"On his way to Stark Tower as we speak."

Clint swore mildly. "How long do I have to keep him distracted?"

"Three hours, tops," Tony said.

"Right," said Clint. "I'm going. Good-bye."

Clint hung up, and then Bruce asked, "What are you doing, Tony?"

"I'm bossing J.A.R.V.I.S. around and also being awesome," Tony said. "I mean, someone needs to do both of those things. Oh, and also I'm in charge of music."

Natasha groaned. "Great. See you boys later." She hung up, after muttering something that sounded like, "I need a six month vacation twice a year from these guys."


	2. Captain Cake

Steve wasn't particularly pleased with his assignment, but it could have been worse, he supposed.

"What kind of cake do you want me to buy?" he asked Tony.

Tony waved him away. "Anything but vanilla. Vanilla is lame, unless you're British."

"Now, wait a second, I knew a lot of nice British people." Steve scowled, remembering Peggy.

"I didn't say they weren't," Tony pointed out. "Now go already."

Steve made his way out of the building. It was a lovely summer day, if a bit hot.

Riding his motorcycle, he looked for the bakery that he passed whenever he came to visit Tony. It was a lot farther than Steve remembered, but he finally found it and walked into the air conditioned room. A bell rang when the door opened. The bakery was completely empty.

"Hello!" said a man with a French accent happily, smiling broadly underneath his mustache. "Velcome to my bakery! Vhat are you vanting today? Ze breads are on sale today."

"Hello," Steve said. "I need to order a birthday cake."

"Ah, very good," said the French baker. "Vould you like the menu?" He chuckled slightly.

Steve was a little confused. "Uh, I guess so."

The French baker disappeared under the counter, and came back up with an enormous book. It was so big that it took up half the table top.

"Oui, here it is!"

Steve stared at the book in shock. "Thank you. Um. This may take a while."

"Take your time," the Frenchman said, before disappearing through some double doors to the kitchen.

Alone, the Captain opened the book. He soon realized that it contained every cake the Frenchman probably had ever made. And there were a lot. Wedding cakes, anniversary cakes, Christmas cakes, Thanksgiving cakes ("A cake shaped like a turkey? What?" Steve wondered in amazement), Easter cakes, Valentines day cakes, St. Patricks Day cakes, Independence Day cakes, Canadian Independence Day cakes ("I thought Canada wasn't independent. Maybe I missed the Canadian revolution," Steve said to himself. "Nah, who am I kidding?"), New Year cakes, Chinese New Year cakes, National Cat Day cakes, Donut Day cakes ("Wouldn't you just buy a donut?" Steve thought) Teacher Appreciation Day cakes, Whatnot Day cakes, and just about every other cake for every other holiday imaginable. It was unbelievable. And as far as he could see, there wasn't a category for birthday cakes.

"This is going to take a while," Steve sighed.

 _ **Meanwhile...**_

Clint was dashing through the streets, searching for Nick Fury's car. It had to be here somewhere. But there were just so many cars, it was going to be nearly impossible. Then he realized that he should probably just call Fury and tell him to meet him somewhere.

So he dialed his number and placed his phone to his ear. Fury answered on the second ring. "What merits this call, Barton? Aren't you supposed to be spying on Stark?"

Clint blushed. That was exactly what he had been doing. But Tony didn't know, so it didn't matter. "Well, sir, I'm afraid there's a situation."

"What kind of situation?"

"Um…" Clint tried to think of a good excuse. "Well…"

Fury sounded annoyed. "Spit it out, Barton."

"I've gotten word that there is an enemy spy that wants to blow up a subway train that the governor of New York is going to be taking later at—" Clint glanced at the subway schedule. "Four o'clock on first street." That was as far away from the Stark tower that he could get without leaving the city.

"I see," Fury said. "Why didn't you call Black Widow? She's in the area, isn't she?"

"I, uh, couldn't get a hold of her," Clint said, not even able to convince himself.

Fury groaned. "Fine. I'll call Stark and tell him I might be a little late. Where are you now?"

Clint looked up at the street sign. "Forty-second street."

"I'll come pick you up."

"Right" Clint hung up, then sent a text message to Stark. 'Target headed to 1st street. I'll keep u posted.'

He got his message five seconds later. 'good. remember, 3 hours.'

'roger'

 _ **Back at the French bakery...**_

Steve was still trawling through the cake book, unable to find birthday cakes, when the bell tinkled again from behind him. He didn't bother looking around until he heard the familiar click of a gun's safety mechanism being unlocked. He slumped his shoulders in disbelief.

"Step aside," said the person holding the gun. His voice was muffled, as if he were wearing a ski mask.

Deciding to comply, Steve stepped aside, hauling the book with him. That's when the French baker came out of the kitchen. Upon seeing the armed person with the gun (who did indeed have a ski mask) he gasped. "Sacre bleu! Vhat do you vant?"

"Get down!" Ski Mask yelled.

With a squeak, the French baker dropped to the ground as if he had actually been shot. Ski Mask marched to the register, but as he raised his gun to break it open, Steve sprang into action. He took the cake book as he would his shield and threw it at Ski Mask's face. It hit him square on the nose, and he fell down flat, the book lying open on his chest.

The French baker stood up quickly. "Oh my goodness! How did you do zat?" He looked at the cake book, which displayed a cake decorated to look like the Captain America shield. Then he looked back at Steve. "Sacre bleu."

Steve smiled. "Yes."

"Ze Captain of America has saved my bakery!" the French baker shouted. He started to run around in excitement. "I can't believe it! You are my hero!" He threw himself at Steve and hugged him tightly. Steve was a little shocked and patted the man's blonde hair awkwardly.

"It was no problem, really," Steve blushed. "I'll call the police now."

The Frenchman was still clinging to him.

"Um…you can let go now."

"Oh, sorry," the Frenchman laughed, letting go.

 _ **One police call later…**_

"How can I ever repay you?" the Frenchman, whose name was (remarkably, and almost creepily) Tony, asked the Captain.

"Well, baking me a birthday cake would be a great place to start."

Tony nodded. "Right. I have just the thing."

One hour later, Tony came out of the kitchen holding an enormous, round cake, iced to look exactly like Steve's shield, and placed it on the counter. Steve was very impressed.

"I'm impressed!" Steve grinned. "That's really great. How much?" he asked, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket.

"Oh, no no no!" Tony waved the wallet away. "Consider this payment for saving a day's worth of salary."

Steve smiled, and then walked all the way to the Stark tower with a huge cake in his arms. When he finally arrived to the pool room which Pepper had directed him to, Tony Stark was pleased to see that he had a cake in his hands. "Oh, great. It's about time you showed up."

"There was a bit of a situation and I had to call the police," Steve said.

"The police?"

"After I knocked the guy out."

"Great. Let's see the cake."

Steve set the monstrous dessert on a table that Tony had apparently set out (thought it probably hadn't been him) and he opened the box.

After a few seconds of complete silence, Tony said, " _What_ is _that_?"

"It's the cake," Steve answered.

Tony covered his eyes with one hand. "No. Just, no."

"Um…what's wrong with it?"

"This isn't your birthday, Rogers. Do you really think Fury is going to go for this?"

Steve thought about this for a second. "Probably not. I'll go and get another one."

"You do that," Tony agreed.

Steve scooped up the cake box. "What do I do with this cake?"

"You know all those poor people out there? Let them eat cake."

"That's the kindest idea you've ever had," Steve remarked.

Tony shuddered. "What have I become?"

 _ **Meanwhile...**_

Clint and Nick Fury had met up and were trying to inconspicuously blend in with the crowd. But as they were headed towards a subway station, they noticed a large but tightly knit group of people that a) looked homeless and b) were eating…cake.

"What is going on over there?" Fury demanded.

"I'll go see," Clint said. He walked over to the crowd and realized that they were in front of a cake shop. Then he saw Steve, who was in the act of handing a piece of cake with a familiar silver star on it to a small boy with his parents. They made eye contact, and they both panicked almost simultaneously, Steve looked around and then waved Clint away, mouthing at him to get out of there before Nick saw the Captain. Clint immediately ran back to Fury, who was drawing nearer, and without giving an explanation, grabbed his wrist and dragged him in the opposite direction.

"What are you doing, Agent Barton?" Fury demanded, almost tripping before matching Clint's speed.

"Keep running!" he yelled. "They're after us!"

Not exactly true, but throwing a surprise party meant lying a lot.


End file.
